My unsent Letter to my partner Paul during his affair in 2018.
What type of man starts an affair in (November 2017) with a woman he met (around August 2009).
The day after Christmas
Then tells the current woman (me) that he has been with for the past nine years that he has started seeing another woman in the UK after just 4 weeks of meeting up again. I was devasted, I let out a scream so loud that I had a sore throat for two days after.
Since August 2020. I have only recently started to understand the dynamic of the relationship I have been in, to realise my true situation, to see my partner for the person he really is. Just like the text message I sent him after a vicious, nasty and angry outburst one evening in a video call.
January 23rd 2018.
I don’t like seeing you like that. I now feel sick 🤢 to this pit of my stomach again !!!
How does that happen? I only want to help you.
I’m not laughing at you.
Please don’t talk to me like that again.
It does you no good and it does me no good either.
I worked through everything you told me and got to a better place in the last couple of days after your outburst at the weekend.
What do you really want?
If you don’t want me in your life please tell me.
I don’t want a monster I want a man. Good Night.
Sleep 💤 on it 😘😘😘😘
Then when you left me here in Spain to return to the UK. I could not cope on my own. At the end of January 2018, I was having panick attacks.
I booked a flight to return to the UK to your house in Rufforth.. Hired a taxi and returned to our home. I had my own key and let myself in.
You were obviousley shocked that I had returned. I'm not sure what you expected would happen after the huge confession of infidelity you had dropped into the mix at Christmas. Things between us were on a knifes edge. One minute you were okay with me, the next minute you were like a raging monster. I was looking to you for reassurance, but all I recieved in return was more abuse as you flew into a rage with me. I wanted to try an mend our relationship, to find out if you really still wanted to be with me.
You lied to me.
You told me you were going to Cyprus diving alone. You told me you were staying in a B&B near the dive centre. For some reason I knew in my gut and in my heart you were going to go on holiday with Karen.
As I now know you purchased a Double room in the Roman Boutique Hotel and confirmed that you had a double BED, before you arrived. You had entered 23rd of March to 8th April in your dairy indicating you booked out to KVH. That must have been code for on holiday with Karen. You booked the hotel room for 10 days from the 25th of March 2018.
When you left me in March and I sat down to write that long email, 13th of March, the day after my birthday, I was very upset and hurt. One of the rules that I wanted to put down after I sent the email was “not having holidays with Karen.” Unfortunately I left that out, now I discovered that it was too late. You had already sent Karen a book on Cyprus car tours and walks, that you ordered on Amazon on the 12th February, while I was staying with you in your home in Rufforth.
Yet you tell me that Karen is not a threat. Don’t insult my intelligence.
Now this week, May 23rd to be precise you decide to start to tell me you have won contracts to do work in Wales. Another 18 months of work. Where does that get you, December 2019. Trying to tell me that this will mean that you will have less time to visit. But then you tell me to trust you because you want to put away another £100,000 in your savings and pensions, so that we will be secure here in Spain.
Why not just cut your ties completely, sign over this property to me, and I will live as best I can without you in my life. Then you can continue to enjoy your time in the UK and be with Karen. Or you can do what you were supposed to do. Move to Spain, rent out your house. Reduce your overheads, and make the most of everything you have right now. Not in 18 months time.
Carpe Diem my friend, Carpe Diem.
Trying to remain calm throughout the emotional turmoil.
This is how I have remained calm over the past few weeks, discovering you went on holiday with Karen was the final blow. I discovered that I was hurting more than I wanted to be hurt. I was killing myself slowly, the pain and the anguish I suffered due to the decisions you were making, I was upset and disappointed.
I had to repeat these statements every day.
I’m not angry, I’m not resentful, I’m not fearful.
I’ve used these statements to purge myself and calm my mind.
Forgiveness is my way forward.
I have also been saying these statements out loud most days.
Paul, I have forgiven you for your infidelity.
Paul, I have forgiven you for your ANGRY outbursts towards me.
Paul, I have forgiven you for the hurtful words and actions.
Why you should not carry anger and resentment?
Keeping those emotions inside of you can make you unhappy, frustrated, depressed, feel helpless and they can actually make you feel physically ill. Stress is a killer.
Emotional and psychological abuse of one partner by the other is also a killer, if not immediate through suicide, then it shows up as other illness, like cancer, stomach ulcers, high blood pressure, heart attacks or strokes. There is also the tendency for some people to start abusing alcohol to drown out the emotional hurt and pain.